hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
