she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
