i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
