I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
