you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
