I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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