my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
worst night to have a conscience
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
