My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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