they need to just BURY HIM!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
