Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
