I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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