it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
