I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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