Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
