Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Less talking, more tequila
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Randomize
