i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
