Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
