you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
