and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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