Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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