they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
