I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Randomize
