its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
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