I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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