if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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