I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
