Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
