I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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