Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
