Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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