We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
