I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
