I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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