come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
