You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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