If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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