walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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