I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
