He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
