I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
