My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
