how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
