im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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