Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
