Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
