It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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