We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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