Kiss
Puke
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
