Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
