and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
