That's intense
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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