Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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