there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
